Can't figure out the Web? Try suing your readers.

That's what the Washington City Paper proposes to do. Kind of. (It's not April 1, is it?)

THE BANKRUPTCY CASE AND THE PARTIES

1. On Oct. 9, 2008, the Debtors filed petition for relief under Chapter 86 of the Content Bankruptcy Code, Alternative Weekly Provision, in the United States Bankruptcy Court for the Fourth Estate.
2. Debtor, City Paper, is an alternative newsweekly devoted to coverage of news, features, arts, and listings for the Washington, D.C., metropolitan area (“Washington, D.C.”)
3. Defendant, the Readers of City Paper (“Readers”), are residents of and visitors to Washington, D.C., with expectations of well-reported long-form narrative journalism (“cover stories”) in addition to comprehensive and critical coverage of music, film, theater, visual arts, happenings, et al. (“arts coverage”). [via Romanesko]

I could use this post to compose yet another expository essay on the vicissitudes of print media in the age of the Web. But I figure the average reader needs that like he needs a hole in the head. So I'm going to tell a vulgar story instead.

One of my former bosses used to work for some newspapers in the South. One day about a year ago, an old colleague emailed him after the latest round of buyouts and said the following. I paraphrase -- liberally -- and with apologies to the unnamed parties:

I'm going to start my own newspaper. I'm going to call it "Old Fuckers." It's going to be a one-sheet broadside with text front and back, six columns, printed only in black and white with no pictures, no images, no graphs -- nothing to keep your interest except the text. We're not going to have a website, we're not going to do "podcasts," we're not going to give video cameras to reporters and tell them to "film for the Web and cut the video on your laptop!" None of that shit. Just thin notebooks, #2 pencils, and impudent questions. In other words, just reporting, goddammit.

I have to admit, that sounds pretty good right about now.